Now the REAL fun begins ...

... and actually, it's a relief to just get on with it! 

(Don't tell anyone ... but I am ... "as we speak" ... listening to my first Christmas cd of the season!  Whoo hoo!  Now, don't freak out ... you no-Christmas-'til-after-Thanksgiving-people ... it doesn't really count because it's John Rutter choral stuff ... not full-on jingle bells, sleigh rides and santa stuff ... hahaha ... and I'm LOVING it!  John Rutter will ... if you let him ... make your heart soar ....)

"Why does this chilling winter's morn
Smile, like a field beset with corn?
Or smell like a meadow newly shorn,
Thus, on the sudden?  Come and see
The cause, why things thus fragrant be:
"Tis He is born, whose quickening birth
Give life and lustre, public mirth,
To heaven, and the under-earth."

(Someday ... if I can figure out how ... I will post a link to his music for you to hear.  In the meantime, you can YouTube: john rutter what sweeter music  ... and choose the first option, King's College Cambridge 2008 #10 What Sweeter Music John Rutter ... trust me ... you will love it!)

So, we've been in a bit of a holding pattern for the past couple of weeks.  I saw the surgeon a week ago and he indicated that it should be another week or two ... considering the progress of my healing ... before I start chemo.  I had been a little "iffy" about the oncologist that we had met the week before, so I asked Dr. Bertucci ... who Harold and I both like VERY much ... if he had a recommendation for an oncologist and he immediately gave us a name.  We will meet with this new doctor next Tuesday, the 26th and then likely start the chemo on Monday, November 1st.  Yesterday was Week 5 since my surgery .. so we are pretty much on track.  I am concerned in delaying the treatment - even by just a few days - but as I will have quite a  l o n gterm relationship with the oncologist, I just want to be comfortable with my choice.

I feel good ...

STRONG
anxious
determined

... a n d   a   l i t t l e   scared (I'd be lying if I didn't say so ..)

But, wow!  What a wonderful time of science and technology to live in ... where I have such good doctors and treatment opportunities!

So .. speaking of which ... I have to tell you a little story .. my best laugh in a long time!  And in advance I want to say, Chad, you are awesome!  And I love you so much!

Chad was home recently for a weekend trip to welcome home his pal, Dustin Drees, just returned from a spanish-speaking mission to Houston, TX.  It was a quick trip and mostly spent with his buddies, so our first real time to visit was as we drove him up to Corona to meet-up with this ride back to Utah. 

As a side-thought, I smile to myself when I think of how different each of my children are.  All moms know this truth.  The girls are interested in each detail .. where the boys, while still expressing their love, just want the "facts" and nothing gorey or "personal" ...

Sooooo  ... I'm in the front seat and Chad in the back .. and out of the blue he says ... "sooooo ... mom ... soooo ... when exactly will you start your chemo ... ?  (me) "mmm, maybe 2 or 3 weeks ... "  (chad) "... and then how long 'til you'll lose your hair ... ?  (me) "probably about 2 weeks after I start"  (long pause - chad)  "What a great OPPORTUNITY!"

Seriously ... hahahahaha ... I turned around in my seat and looked at him ... wondering .... and then he says, with no breath, "I-totally-have-always-wanted-to-know-what-I would-look-like-bald-but-I've-never-had-the-courage-to-shave-my-head-This-is-such-a-great-opportunity-for-you!  (me ... sputtering)  "um .. yeah ... I   g u e s s   so ..."  (chad) "I-mean-really-haven't-you-always-wanted-to-know-And-now-you-will-get-to-see-what-you-will-look-like-bald-Isn't-that-awesome!-what-a-great-opportunity! (Now, that's a great returned-missionary for you!)

I don't recall what, if anything, I said after that .. because my mind was racing with the concept of looking at this whole cancer experience as an OPPORTUNITY!  Just think .. in addition to the aforementioned, AND my recent visit at the hospital to help me lose 5 lbs. or so of "fatty tissue", I will also have the opportunity of getting over my crazy fear of needles, and, BONUS, alot of leisure time over the next few months!  I LOVE IT!

... and I love all of you ... that's the opportunity ... to know you and feel your love and support ... THANKS!

Have I told you how grateful I am for ...

rain and thunder and lightening
flowers planted by friends
pizza parties
smart doctors
big, loose pajamas that button up the front
square cupcakes
pain pills
mom jeans
dead ants
that little pillow that makes my arm feel better

... and I'm super grateful for my awesome mom & dad!  They have been here, looking after my every need, for 2 1/2 weeks!  And I don't think it's quite what they had in mind for retirement!  None of us realized how long it would take for me to feel like driving, cooking, or ... staying awake!  Oh!  That's right!  I've NEVER felt like cooking!

... and to update you ...

I had the second drain removed last wednesday (two weeks post-surgery) ... it felt so good to be untethered!  But the party didn't last long since that fluid had to go SOMEWHERE ... namely into the surrounding tissue.  The other, more uncomfortable, result of the surgery has been numbness and burning because of severed nerves.  I have a constant tingling in my arm ... and not in a good way!  BUT, I am feeling a little better each day.

Also, Harold and I met with the oncologist yesterday.  And the course of action is pretty much what we expected.  He confirmed that I am stage 3A and will have chemo and radiation.  The chemo will start in about 3 weeks and be a single intravenous treatment done every 21 days for about 4 1/2 months (sounds like 6 rounds).  The radiation will be after chemo.  Then, I will be on tamoxifen (a daily tablet) for 5 years because my cancer has an estrogen receptor.  Sounds like fun, huh!

Well, maybe not fun ... not the swinging from the chandelier kind of fun ... you know, the KIND of fun I'm KNOWN for ...

... but I will tell you one more thing I am grateful for ... CONFIDENCE ...

in myself
my husband
my doctors ...

but mostly ... in my Heavenly Father and the WAY He works ... because I know that as I stay open-minded and faithful, He will always speak to me through His Holy Spirit to guide my path ... I don't know what that path will be, but I know that I CAN do what He asks me to do ...

And you know what else?  You guys are AWESOME!  I mean really awesome!  And I love all of you and I can totally feel your love and prayers ... THANK YOU doesn't even begin to say it ...