One Third, that's 33%, DONE!

.... Yep!  Chemo2 is over and I'm coming out of the fog a little sooner .... and feeling very grateful!  I'm actually looking forward to Chemo3 .... just so I can say I'm HALF done!  hahahahaha ... it's amazing how you can start thinkin' crazy like that!

THANKSGIVING was AWESOME … I hope yours was, too …. All the kids and grandkids were here except Jenee … she had just been in for a couple of days the weekend before … my mom & dad, Tif, Bryce, Ben and Matt, and Aunt Marian and cousin, Skip.   Kendyll & Shanna ran the kitchen with mom & Tif as worthy & willing assistants.  We had all the standard fare plus the best homemade rolls EVER.  And Shanna doesn’t just make enough rolls for dinner … she makes enough for sandwiches for the next two days!  And pies!  Everyone had their specialty … Mom’s REALsweet potatoes, Tif’s jello, Kendyll’s cranberry cheese dip, Marian’s fruit salad (& stuffing with Italian sausage … hard to pick a fav!)  All this magically happened while I was a slug in bed … one time, ONE TIME, Shanna tip-toed in and whispered, “can I ask you a question …..?”  Then, on cue … I actually GOT DRESSED, made a grand entrance …. And enjoyed the feast with my awesome family!  I love them!  EVERYone of them … and I love hearing them  talk and joke and tease and play no-holds-barred-Rumikub … nothing is better than FAMILY ….

…. Except when they   l e a v e   …. Mom & Dad are the last to go … tomorrow afternoon … (insert frowny face HERE)

Next up:  Chemo3 on December 13^th AND I’ll be back-to-good by Christmas!  Whoo Hoo!

.... So, here's the Second Lesson of Chemo ....
No matter how bad the situation is, there's always some good to be found ...

I like to call these little silver linings, "cancer perks" ... so dubbed by my cute friend, Liz!  No really ... there are alot of perks!  Trina mentioned one the other day, after she had spent a half hour blow-drying and curling her blond locks, just to have it all immediately droop in the weather .. she thought, "hmmmm, I bet Shannon didn't spend any time on her hair today!"  hahahahaha ... right you are!  cancer perk!  And, this is a big one ... I didn't spend any time shaving my legs either!  Seriously!  I might have to have laser hair removal on my legs after treatment, cuz it is SWEET to not have to shave your legs!  cancer perk!

"honey, you need to take me to this chick-flick .... "  cancer perk!

no cooking or cleaning on THANKSGIVING DAY….  cancer perk!

an automatic excuse for every mistake, mishap, miscalculation, misplacement, misunderstanding or misadventure … cancer perk!

extra long hugs and kisses from big boys … cancer perk!

extra prayers, extra phone calls, extra cards, love & attention …. all … cancer perks!

a current “cancer card” to be PLAYED whenever I feel like it … cancer perk!

I’M TELLING YOU … this is a good gig! Hahahahahahahahahaha

the first lesson of chemo is ...

YOU CAN'T POWER THROUGH IT!

now this is a hard lesson for me ... cuz I can POWER THROUGH anything ...
 GOOD LESSON



So, I can't believe it's been three weeks and I'm headed back for my second chemo this morning (this was written on Monday & posted on Tuesday, cuz I was having trouble posting the pictures).  It was easier in some ways and harder than I expected, in others.  Isn't that just about the way LIFE is?  The first 10 days were pretty crummy .. and then it was just like I started coming out of a listless fog ... and the last week was GREAT!  So, of course, I ran around like a crazy person trying to get all the undone done ... CHRISTMAS is coming, you know!

And ...

Dane & Jenee arrived on Friday morning (sadly Jenee could only stay for a couple of days because of work), Reed, Shanna, Chad & Blake came in the pre-dawn hours of Saturday, and Kendyll, Brad & WESLEY, JACK & AVERY arrived that afternoon.  And, BONUS, we have my mom & dad (dad spent a day at Disney with my sis).  Plus!  Tif, Bryce, Ben & Matt come on Wednesday!  Thank heaven for friends with extra beds!

.... so you can imagine my delight at being able to get some long awaited family pictures!  Our wonderful friend and photographer, Brit Mann snapped away in a Heaven-sent respite from the rain at South Mission Beach ... I will post pictures & a link to her site soon ... you can find her on facebook as Brit Mann Photography ... do it! 

But ... Oh My Goodness ... I got ahead of myself ....  hahahahahaha .... I got a HEAD of myself ....

.... yep .... I have quite a lot less hair these days ... it's cool ... no, I mean really cool, like COLD!  I did get to make a gradual transition with a fun haircut with FRIENDS ....

(my sweet friend, Suzan Patton, surprised me with a visit!)

And then we got started with the haircut!

  

And this is me as a shortcut, lovingly & expertly done by awesome Valerie Klein!

So, the reason for the haircut is that with my particular chemo, it is expected that I would start losing hair at approximately day 14 ... and it is amazing how the body works ... because exactly at day 14 I started shedding! heavily! 

But, and I hope this is ok, I prayed that I could keep enough hair for our family picture ... day 20!  I figured me with short hair looked more natural that me with no hair ... haha ... or a hat or wig or whatever ... and thankfully, my prayer was answered ... very specifically ... because that evening it really started coming out.

Sooooooooooo .... 

.... the boys had some fun with the clippers!

(Dane, Reed, Brad, Chad, Blake & Mom)

... and Reed decided to get in on the action too! He's cute no matter what!

Also, last week, to my great surprise, 5 members of the Singles Ward shaved their heads!  I would never in a million years ask anyone to do that (Kendyll said, "Mom, I totally love you, but I would never shave my head!") ... but I am so honored by their love and concern!  Thank you to all ... shaved or unshaved ... I feel your love and support every day!

my blessings are innumerable ...

I thought, as I sat in my living room 

surrounded by a circle of priesthood

Husband

Father

Sons

YOU tell me .... what more can I ask for?

ONE DOWN ...

... five to go ...

Yes, today was my first foray into chemo-world ... not as fun as say, DISNEY WORLD ...

So, this is how it went ... and this will be short cuz I just want to go to my bed ...

We arrived at 9:45 to meet with the research nurse, Nancy ... my new BFF ... I hadn't told most of you that we had decided to participate in a clinical trial ... more about that later ... but I had to meet with Nancy again since I had had a little trouble with my blood pressure and having a low enough reading to be able to qualify for the trial.  After two tries, we were good to go ... but then it probably took another 45 minutes for her to finish registering me for the trial. 

Harold and I both were very much in favor of participating in the trial ...

first,
why NOT me ... I mean, somebody's gotta do it ...

next,
possible better treatment (all standard or above ... no placebos ... hahaha) ...

and,
definately better monitoring by another layer of nursing staff ...

and,
more testing (also a downside ...)

You don't want to know all the details of the trial ... but ... it consists of 3 groups that are to be compared for efficacy & side effects ... and the selection is blind.  So, we had prayed that I would be selected for the RIGHT group for ME.  And as it turned out, I will receive the same treatment that is commonly used and that my doctor would have recommended if I had not gone with the trial.  He actually stopped by during the treatment and commented that it may seem like it was for nothing since I am not on the experimental drugs, but that it was very helpful to be able to use my data in the study ... data that would go unevaluated if I wasn't on the study.  So I feel good about that ... and will also enjoy the other benefits.

So, we got started at about 11:45 .... a little rough at first when I almost passed-out during the IV insertion ... hahaha ... CHICKEN!  But, I'll get better at it ...

After that ... it was a breeze ... each of three drugs were administered separately through the IV ... they watched for side effects ... and I had none ...

I'm home with a table-full of assorted antinausea drugs ... and ... BONUS ... 7 days of daily injections to boost my white blood count ... THAT was a surprise!  But, Trina is thrilled!  (that stint in nursing school really gave her a taste for blood!)  She will come each evening to give me the injection.  Tiffany was offended that I didn't ask her ... to which I replied that I just didn't think I could handled any possible pent-up, latent, sibling rivalry to be transferred to the needle!

And here's my favorite part of today ... My sister Tiffany came into town last night to spend the week with me ... and she brought a present!

Tif says that cancer is like Cancun ... you can't go and not get the t-shirt!

(and, for those of you who can't find your reading glasses ... it says ...
"No, they're not real.  the real ones tried to kill me.")

hahahahahhahahahahahahahahaha ... Laughter IS the BEST medicine!

I say it every time ... and I mean it ...
I have the best friends and family in the world! 
Thank you sooooo much for your love and prayers
... I CAN feel it!

Now the REAL fun begins ...

... and actually, it's a relief to just get on with it! 

(Don't tell anyone ... but I am ... "as we speak" ... listening to my first Christmas cd of the season!  Whoo hoo!  Now, don't freak out ... you no-Christmas-'til-after-Thanksgiving-people ... it doesn't really count because it's John Rutter choral stuff ... not full-on jingle bells, sleigh rides and santa stuff ... hahaha ... and I'm LOVING it!  John Rutter will ... if you let him ... make your heart soar ....)

"Why does this chilling winter's morn
Smile, like a field beset with corn?
Or smell like a meadow newly shorn,
Thus, on the sudden?  Come and see
The cause, why things thus fragrant be:
"Tis He is born, whose quickening birth
Give life and lustre, public mirth,
To heaven, and the under-earth."

(Someday ... if I can figure out how ... I will post a link to his music for you to hear.  In the meantime, you can YouTube: john rutter what sweeter music  ... and choose the first option, King's College Cambridge 2008 #10 What Sweeter Music John Rutter ... trust me ... you will love it!)

So, we've been in a bit of a holding pattern for the past couple of weeks.  I saw the surgeon a week ago and he indicated that it should be another week or two ... considering the progress of my healing ... before I start chemo.  I had been a little "iffy" about the oncologist that we had met the week before, so I asked Dr. Bertucci ... who Harold and I both like VERY much ... if he had a recommendation for an oncologist and he immediately gave us a name.  We will meet with this new doctor next Tuesday, the 26th and then likely start the chemo on Monday, November 1st.  Yesterday was Week 5 since my surgery .. so we are pretty much on track.  I am concerned in delaying the treatment - even by just a few days - but as I will have quite a  l o n gterm relationship with the oncologist, I just want to be comfortable with my choice.

I feel good ...

STRONG
anxious
determined

... a n d   a   l i t t l e   scared (I'd be lying if I didn't say so ..)

But, wow!  What a wonderful time of science and technology to live in ... where I have such good doctors and treatment opportunities!

So .. speaking of which ... I have to tell you a little story .. my best laugh in a long time!  And in advance I want to say, Chad, you are awesome!  And I love you so much!

Chad was home recently for a weekend trip to welcome home his pal, Dustin Drees, just returned from a spanish-speaking mission to Houston, TX.  It was a quick trip and mostly spent with his buddies, so our first real time to visit was as we drove him up to Corona to meet-up with this ride back to Utah. 

As a side-thought, I smile to myself when I think of how different each of my children are.  All moms know this truth.  The girls are interested in each detail .. where the boys, while still expressing their love, just want the "facts" and nothing gorey or "personal" ...

Sooooo  ... I'm in the front seat and Chad in the back .. and out of the blue he says ... "sooooo ... mom ... soooo ... when exactly will you start your chemo ... ?  (me) "mmm, maybe 2 or 3 weeks ... "  (chad) "... and then how long 'til you'll lose your hair ... ?  (me) "probably about 2 weeks after I start"  (long pause - chad)  "What a great OPPORTUNITY!"

Seriously ... hahahahaha ... I turned around in my seat and looked at him ... wondering .... and then he says, with no breath, "I-totally-have-always-wanted-to-know-what-I would-look-like-bald-but-I've-never-had-the-courage-to-shave-my-head-This-is-such-a-great-opportunity-for-you!  (me ... sputtering)  "um .. yeah ... I   g u e s s   so ..."  (chad) "I-mean-really-haven't-you-always-wanted-to-know-And-now-you-will-get-to-see-what-you-will-look-like-bald-Isn't-that-awesome!-what-a-great-opportunity! (Now, that's a great returned-missionary for you!)

I don't recall what, if anything, I said after that .. because my mind was racing with the concept of looking at this whole cancer experience as an OPPORTUNITY!  Just think .. in addition to the aforementioned, AND my recent visit at the hospital to help me lose 5 lbs. or so of "fatty tissue", I will also have the opportunity of getting over my crazy fear of needles, and, BONUS, alot of leisure time over the next few months!  I LOVE IT!

... and I love all of you ... that's the opportunity ... to know you and feel your love and support ... THANKS!

Have I told you how grateful I am for ...

rain and thunder and lightening
flowers planted by friends
pizza parties
smart doctors
big, loose pajamas that button up the front
square cupcakes
pain pills
mom jeans
dead ants
that little pillow that makes my arm feel better

... and I'm super grateful for my awesome mom & dad!  They have been here, looking after my every need, for 2 1/2 weeks!  And I don't think it's quite what they had in mind for retirement!  None of us realized how long it would take for me to feel like driving, cooking, or ... staying awake!  Oh!  That's right!  I've NEVER felt like cooking!

... and to update you ...

I had the second drain removed last wednesday (two weeks post-surgery) ... it felt so good to be untethered!  But the party didn't last long since that fluid had to go SOMEWHERE ... namely into the surrounding tissue.  The other, more uncomfortable, result of the surgery has been numbness and burning because of severed nerves.  I have a constant tingling in my arm ... and not in a good way!  BUT, I am feeling a little better each day.

Also, Harold and I met with the oncologist yesterday.  And the course of action is pretty much what we expected.  He confirmed that I am stage 3A and will have chemo and radiation.  The chemo will start in about 3 weeks and be a single intravenous treatment done every 21 days for about 4 1/2 months (sounds like 6 rounds).  The radiation will be after chemo.  Then, I will be on tamoxifen (a daily tablet) for 5 years because my cancer has an estrogen receptor.  Sounds like fun, huh!

Well, maybe not fun ... not the swinging from the chandelier kind of fun ... you know, the KIND of fun I'm KNOWN for ...

... but I will tell you one more thing I am grateful for ... CONFIDENCE ...

in myself
my husband
my doctors ...

but mostly ... in my Heavenly Father and the WAY He works ... because I know that as I stay open-minded and faithful, He will always speak to me through His Holy Spirit to guide my path ... I don't know what that path will be, but I know that I CAN do what He asks me to do ...

And you know what else?  You guys are AWESOME!  I mean really awesome!  And I love all of you and I can totally feel your love and prayers ... THANK YOU doesn't even begin to say it ...

So, you can imagine my shock and dismay when ...

... they said "cancer".

But since this is what finally caused me to write a blog, I'll start at the beginning ...

I first felt a lump in my right breast, I think, in May ... it could have been late April.  I was excited for my upcoming trip to Kansas City, Missouri to witness the Nauvoo Temple wedding of James & Hannah Michaelis ... son of my "lifelong" friend, Betsy Michaelis.  We were enjoying our final season of Eastlake High School lacrosse, Blake's prom, and end-of-the-year concerts, parties, & banquets.  Typically, I was squeezing too much activity into too little time ... but, hey, ... THAT'S HOW I ROLL!

It's almost as if the lump just "appeared" ... and even then, I didn't take much notice.  I remembered a Relief Society Homemaking Evening where someone was speaking on women's health issues and passed around a "training boob" (is there a nicer way to say it?) that had been loaded with lumps so that we could feel what we should be looking for in our own breasts.  I remembered those lumps to have been very round-like-a-marble feeling .... mine was "long".  So, basically, I wrote it off as being some kind of "irregularity" ... I was thinking that, here I was .. FIFTY-ONE ... neck-deep in menopause ... and all kinds of crazy stuff was going on in my body.

I had an awesome time in Missouri!

... got home just in time for Blake's Graduation & Party
... YSA conference
... Ward Campout
... took a Jeep adventure with Blake ... to Utah for his summer landscaping job (code for weed-picker)
... came home to have teenager fun with my niece, Kindred
... showers, parties, celebrations of every kind and description
... & prepped for Chad's mission homecoming

It was a fun & busy summer ... and somewhere along the line I morphed the "irregularity" into "maybe a breast infection of some kind" ... in my head.

Finally, that Voice in my head that knows what He's talking about said ... "You really need to get this checked".

Now, I had had a mammogram in 2008 ... I was a little behind ... maybe 6 or 8 months.  So I went online to make an appointment & received an automated response for an October 10th appointment.  I responded that I was happy to keep the appointment, but that I had felt a lump ... everything rolled at a pretty quick pace from there ... and not at the most convenient time ...  on Thursday, August 12th I had a mammogram.

And ... Chad returned from the Chile Santiago North Mission on Tuesday, August 17th at 10:30 a.m.  What a wonderful feeling to get a son back in your arms again after two years!  His siblings, niece & nephews, and grandparents had come to join in the week-long-group-hug! 

Two days later we celebrated Blake's Eagle in a Court of Honor overlooking a sunset reflected on Otay Lakes.

And after another two days we invited friends and family to join our missionary group hug for Chad.  He reported to the High Council and spoke in two sacrament meetings the next day.  It had been a heavenly week!  And, then on Monday they started to leave ...

And I was scheduled for a mammogram, ultrasound & consultation on Wednesday.  This was the first Harold knew of what was going on and he came with me to the appointment ... what a blessing!  When the radiologist confirmed at least 2 tumors in the breast and recommended that we go ahead with a biopsy that very day, I was comforted to know that my husband of 30 years would be by my side.  A priesthood blessing calmed my nerves and gave me courage and strength.

During a time when I should have felt frantic and powerless, the opposite has been true.  A cancer diagnosis ... with lymph node involvement ... was not terrifying, as it should have been, because I have felt the steady-ing hand of the Lord in each step.  When my surgeon calmly stated that my only option was a modified radical mastectomy, I felt the Holy Ghost confirm that what he was saying was true and correct.  I felt no fear in facing surgery for the first time in my life because of my confidence in the Lord and the way He deals with me.

And I was further blessed to be able to spend 10 days prior to the surgery with my college boys, Chad & Blake ... my Utah kids, Kendyll, Brad, Reed, & Shanna ... and my awesome grandbabies, Wesley, Jack & Avery!   Wow!  Seriously, how blessed can one woman be!?!

So ... I had surgery to remove my right breast and all the lymph nodes in my right arm pit on Wednesday, September 15th.  And it was OUT PATIENT surgery!  hahaha!  REALLY!  Again, just briefly I thought .. "no way .. how can I do this?".  A wise friend said to me, "well, I guess you just better change the way you are thinking about it" ... I immediately knew she was right.

I was blessed with a wonderful intake nurse who put me at ease, a wannabe stand-up comedian for an anesthesiologist (sp?), and an awesome surgeon, Dr. Bertucci.  My sister, Tiffany, was on-hand as soon as we arrived home and my parents, Bud & Pauline took over the reigns on Sunday.  My recovery has been better than I thought ... and, still a bit to go ...

And we received good news today when the surgeon staged my cancer at 2B or 3A .. very treatable.  Now, in the future I'm sure I will have lots of opportunities to share TMI ... but here's the first bit ... so stop now if you have a weak stomach ... hahahaha .. I SURVIVED the removal of one (there were two) of the gross drains that have been attached to me for the last week.  Tif was such a trouper to help me drain them twice a day .. yuck ... seriously, how disgusting is this ... the tube was at least 12 inches INSIDE of me ... augh ... I feel faint just thinking about it ... BUT ... I SURVIVED!  And that's the point, isn't it?

My sweet friend, Suzan, a cancer survivor for 8 years now, said to me ... and I will never forget it ... "radiation is hard, but it's lots better than chemo ... AND ... chemo is do-able!  That is my message for you (shannon) it's all do-able and you can do it!"  Thank you, thank you Suzan!

OK!  If you have made it to the end of this very long post ... I have just one more thing to say ...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JACK CURTIS ... THE CUTEST TWO YEAR OLD EVER!

TODAY is as good as any ...

to start blogging ....

I love the idea of a blog!  I love the idea of keeping a record of what is in your head, no matter how trivial, and whether or not anyone ever reads it!

But I HATE the "committing" to a blog!

So, maybe I'll be a good blogger ... or ... maybe I'll be a bad blogger ... "that is the question"..

Or, is it, "tis better to have blogged and become a bad blogger, than to never have blogged at all"?

The great thing for YOU is that you can read or not read, & I don't need to know!

WELCOME TO MY BLOG!